Relevant

 

Unconditional love, never-ending prayers, patience, sacrifice and the walking of one's heart outside the self.  That's the only way I know of describing this: "A mother's heart".

Judging from where I'm standing, these are the best and the worst attributes to have.  Whenever things go wrong in our lives we know where to go and find all these attributes compressed into one person.  When I go home I am going to the one person who has given me all that I am and have.  A proverb says "teach a woman and you teach a nation".

I remember when my sister's baby died, she ran to my mother.  I've never seen that kind of bond between the two of them before.  And then again the same reaction when her marriage fell apart.  At these two times I saw her cry in my mother's lap.  Awesome, after they have shared such a troubled relationship.

When my marriage fell apart, I ran home to that very familiar old woman.  The smells of her pillows are just different from any I have ever smelled.  Her embraces always forgiving, understanding and compassionate when she holds me.

I'm fostering a child, since he was in grade 4.  I spend on him, nurture him, provide for him and love him the best I know how.  However, I must admit that I lack the instinct and heart of a mother.  That bond that I believe can only be created when giving birth to a child.  That is what I lack.

I always feel like I'm overcompensating, because how own mother rejected him.  The x-factor though is what makes a mother so special.  Whenever we make a success of our lives, it's their eyes that shine bright with pride.  When we fail or even just hurt, it's their eyes that you can read the pain in.

I'm not saying that if you are not a mother yet, you are less of a woman; however there is something about the change in heart when you are a mother.  I commend all of the mothers in world.  No manual or previous training, but only the tenderest yet strong heart that reflects that of God the Father.  You are more than just a place of solace for us, you are our world.

 

It is a well-known fact that only a woman, who can give birth, is one who is with child.  We have a lot to learn from nature and I love looking at what nature dictates, because it always is an area of comparison for something going on in our lives or just life in general.

In nature we conceive and then the signs of pregnancy starts showing.  The same is applicable in our lives when we are given a dream to nurture and have grow.  More often then not, we grow up with wanting to be in a particular profession and as we get older that changes into something else.  However the situation may be, I cannot believe that any of us is without a dream. 

 Sitting in a brainstorming session a while ago, someone commented that one shouldn't share one's dreams with just anyone as that person might just have the resources that are required to make your dream work.  Again as my nature dictates, I beg to differ. 

Should you have a dream and you share it with someone who has the resources, I honestly doubt that the particular hijacker would be able to make it a success.  You see what often happens is that people "steal" the dream so its not theirs.  To the "thief" it is a matter of making money and creating competition for you, however the nuances are in the smaller detail of the dreamer.  Thus I can conclude that these "thieves" only have the symptoms of the pregnancy, but they are not pregnant.

The thing with pregnancy is, there is a time that the child has to be born.  Same as with a dream, it has to come to pass in due term.  That is why ventures fail when it doesn't come from the source.  The person who has the dream is the most important part of the whole puzzle.  Let the "thief" try it and you will only see failure. 

Don't be fazed by people who are afraid to live their own dream and constantly chases other's dreams and visions.  They are not the person chosen for that particular task that you have in your spirit.  And also, believe me, when the time comes closer, you will go into labour with your dream about to be born.  Don't let people tell you, you are taking forever, because there will be a sense of urgency as the time comes closer.  Not all women are in labour for the same amount of time and not all have the same difficulty or complications.  Only when you are ready, then will you have more clarity on how to go about giving birth and God will ensure that everything falls into place.  We are here for a reason.  And should you find that someone carries a similar dream to yours, don't think that you are not unique.  Your personality and character is what gives you the edge on making your delivery different and successful. 

 

 

Our receptionist normally comes and chats to me during her lunch break and I enjoy our little intimate moments.  And she asked me how my weekend was, and there goes Miss Talk A lot and I start elaborating on my weekend.  Telling her about the projects that we will be running in our community and how I plan to set this up.  During our conversation I start to understand where she grew up.  What stunned me was the she is an ostrich.

She had, just like some of us, grown up in a crime- and gang ridden area.  Children, who grew up in front of her, were now gang members and she shared horrific stories with me.  She said she wouldn't allow her son to go and visit her parents when he became a young adult because of the situation back home.  And on top of that she thinks I'm brave for being an ‘activist'.  LOL, I almost fell off my chair.  Let me tell you what an ostrich is, and then you will understand better.

"When an ostrich is in the position which they must hide from nearby predators, they blend in effectively with their environment.  They will simply lay as flat as possible in order to ensure that they are not recognized"  (best-orstich-info-online.com).

Does this not sound familiar to us?  We grow up in areas where gangs rule, women are raped, boys are initiated into gangs and drug lords are at the order of the day and we just simply blend in.  A woman would much rather smile, greet and be polite to hooligans to ensure that she is safe.  For fear of being raped or victimized, she rather plays along with whatever the game is.

In order for a young boy not to lose his life or to be down with the crew, he joins a gang.  "Hulle is die ouens".  For fear of opposing the drug lords, we just keep quiet and have them ruin our youth and some of the parents even shied their children when told that their children are part of the problem.

Why it that the good people don't unite and rather be is peacocks showing off their beautiful colours?  We would much rather crouch and blend in then swim upstream.  My mom always says only dead fish swim downstream.  And if we can learn anywhere, nature is our best and surest bet.

We put our head in the sand and crouch low.  Get terrorized by freaks and can't live the way we want to for fear of a bunch of cowards who, on their own, are unable to harm a fly.  These cowards rule by fear and we are just okay to let it slide and not do anything about it.

I simply refuse to be dictated to on what, where, when and how I shall do things.  Not by some stupid kid who doesn't know where I'm from, been through and going.  I shall not sit quietly and watch these people decide on the future of my unborn children or those of my relatives, neighbours and friends. 

 

 

 

I know we have all asked ourselves when a person has enough of an unfulfilling relationship.  When do we decide that we can't take it anymore?  I realized that walking away, just like loving someone, is a process.  Sometimes we don't even realize we are doing either of the two until it's already done.

So when a friend wants to know whether they should stay or leave, how do we give advice?  Because I believe that mostly our advice comes from logic rather than from emotion.  It's rare that we give our friends or loved ones advice from an emotional point of view.  Yet the person that we give the advice to is reasoning with emotion.

I have a friend who is in a relationship that is obviously not working for him.  I see it and reason from my mind, telling him to just walk away, but he is still staying.  I wanted to know why, until tonight I didn't quite understand.  This has been bothering me a lot, especially today.

I believe that if I have to look for the person that I fell in love with, the relationship is of no use to me anymore.  yes, we change because we are living beings, but I don't think it's fair to have to be in a relationship where we have to search for good times. 

I reckon when we love someone, we give them everything.  And as time goes by and they hurt and disappoint us, they give our love back, bit by bit.  Until one day we find that we have nothing more in common with them.  They had given back to us all that we had entrusted them with.

Like two boats at sea without oars we drift further and further apart, until we can no longer see the other boat.  That is when we are walking away.  We always think that the person we love is going to be there, we might just find that the person has drifted out of reach. 

Taking care of relationships is a full-time job, so is ensuring that walking away is not happening, by either party.  Careful, because your partner might just be doing exactly that. 

 

 

I believe that all of us are well-versed with the pebble in the quiet body of water and the ripples that this causes.  After a couple of seconds the water grows still and the pebble has settled and become part of the pond.  Unfortunately, our lives cannot be exactly compared to the pond, simply because our lives are a constant stream of activity.  So in this case, while we are still alive, we may be compared to a stream or river, depending on how active we are.

Throughout our lives we live a history.  From the day we are born, right up until the time we move on to the "other side".  We constantly write on the slate, which at the end of our lives, bear witness to our history.

The choices and decisions that we make during this time affect the outcome of the history in the making.  For in life, every action has a reaction.  In Biblical terms this is referred to as sowing and reaping.  It's impossible for you to plant seeds of one tree and reap the fruit of a totally different tree.  Thus our decisions echo through time. 

I've lived through an average childhood, with spikes of horror and terror in-between.  None of us, I have come to believe, has not had some kind of horror in our lives.  My brother dispises my mom and this is more than a little disturbing or disconcerting to me.  So my mom and I spoke about this.

I looked at her in the winter sun as we sat outside and enjoyed each other's company.  And I realized just then that our decisions echo throughout the corridors of time.  I have come to understand that, just like myself, she goes to bed and her closet opens up with skeletons bringing themselves into remembrance. 

We all have "shoulda, coulda, woulda" moments in our lives.  We sit and say if only I didn't or did make that decision, things would have been different.  I realized that our decision to do or not do certain things in our lives will forever echo throughout the hallways of time.

Our decisions define who we are, whether or not they were made at the spur of the moment or are well considered.  We find it more difficult to forgive ourselves than we do others.  A lot of us get only sleep and no rest.  We go to bed tired and wake up tired.  Why, because our decisions will constantly echo through our lives.

We are our own worst critics.  We often times forget that life is trial and error and we can't do everything right the first time.  We can't base our hopes, dreams and desires on what others have become.  As we differ, so will our decisions and outcomes.  Just make sure the decisions you make are actually yours and for you.  If this is not the case, it seems like the echo's come back to us in the format of "shrieks" rather than just a reminder. 

 

 

Does the one exist?  Is there a perfect partner?  Do we have our Adam or do you have your Eve?  How does one know when you have found the one?  We are always in search of the perfect one, who will love us unconditionally.

In my one blog I said that I would return to age 17 at any given time, because I thought I knew it all.  So if The One exists, how come our requirements and expectations change and grow as we get older?  We need more stability and care from our partners and I'm not only referring to women now.  When I think of some of the guys that I have dated in the past, I find them lacking, immature and impatient.  Not at all as stable and determined as I want my man to be and I believe that the same can be said in your case.  That is if you haven't found your life partner.

I believe that the one is a choice.  Every day you have to decide whether or not you want to be with the person you're with.  The person you are with and profess to love will always have competition out there.  There will always be someone smarter, sexier, cuter, more beautiful, more intelligent, wittier and kinder than your partner.  There are times in relationships that we have tiffs, disagreements and fights.  In these times you can't exactly tell me that you still see stars in your partner's eyes.  During these times our commitment to the relationship and the person is put to the test.

It's most difficult to profess love for one another when we don't see eye to eye.  That is when I believe it's a choice to make someone the one.  You make a choice to be faithful, monogamous, true and trustworthy.  I know we have a least once experienced it that a perfect stranger caught our eye.  Or there are even times when we think we feel attracted to someone that we have known for a while.  It then when you make the choice whether to chase the 20% or be content with the 80% that you have. 

As we get more settled in our relationships, the great hot, wet, passionate, spontaneous sex dies away and we get comfortable with each other.  It is now no longer new to us to have the other person so close and naked.  Just like everything else that was new and exciting at first, the one also is.  It is much rather what you do with the old and lived in relationship and person.  The choice is yours or you could use the rest of your life looking the one. 

 Hell yes!!!!!!  Ok girls please don't bite my head off after this.  Women abuse has become such a well-versed subject that we only concentrate on that.  But what about the men who go through the abuse of their wives and partners.

My mother says women are so sweet, but this is how she puts it: "Jy is so onskulding, botter kan nie in jou mond smelt nie".  I read a thread the other day about people changing after thy got with the other person.  Most of the ladies said that their partners have changed, but we as women do the same.  We change and yes, some of us cheat.  As soon as a woman gets settled into a relationship we mark our territory.

Firstly we start dictating to our men who they will and won't see.  Where they will and won't go and what they will and won't do.  We sometimes even try to keep them away from their children with another woman or our own if we are no longer in a relationship with them.  We constantly compare them to other men and never forget to let them know that they are good-for-nothing-dogs.

My cousin got married about five years ago.  We have become accustomed to not having her at any functions.  You know sometimes the girls just wanna chill and have the men in our lives absent at a particular occasion.  That's why we have bridal and baby showers and girl's nights out.  And she never joins us for this.  Why? Because she is jealous and possessive.  She is her husband's watch dog.  He can't even go anywhere without her, not even with the guys from the church or to town or shop.  Now honestly, doesn't that constitute abusive behaviour?  I am no man's zipper.  Hell, I'm my own woman and would appreciate him being his own man.

We insist on keeping our husband's bank cards.  "Hy moet die pay pakkie net so toe huistoe bring".  Please don't forget that these women give their men spending money.  Oh hell no, I'm not his Mommy to give him an allowance.  He is a grown-ass man, so why should I decide what he does with his hard-earned cash?  If he doesn't make the financial commitment he ought to, let him go and be someone else's problem.

You know us coloured chicks like to go and fetch him at the club neh?  Embarrassing him by calling him names, cussing and cursing his family, breaking bottles and then trying to beat him up.  Have you ever wondered why he doesn't beat the crap out of you?  That's because he is too ashamed to do anything.  (I'm not condoning men beating on women, so stop smiling guys who do it habitually.)  Then we are loud and proud when we do this.  Poor men.  I feel so sorry for any of you who have to go through this.  You might not even get to be physically abusive, but emotionally and psychologically you might be. 

If we get paid a fraction more than he does, he never hears to end of it.  And what would you call that behaviour?  You always have to be loud in public when he doesn't do what you say.  You earn more money than he does so why shouldn't he do what you want?  And that is...?  You always make a public spectacle out of him and his family.  What does that mean?  You love him. 

Ladies, lets be sensitive to our men and treat them like diamonds and this is just the way we want to be treated.  Even if they err, we should affirm them rather than criticize them.  He doesn't deserve to be treated like a child or your property, because he is neither.  Stop humiliating him in from of others.  You might just see a change in his behaviour. 

I do think its so unfair that we don't give our men credit and always bad-mouth them.  They will only live up to our expectations.  And if you find that you can't stop doing what you are and being abusive, let him go so he can find someone who will be a loving partner. 

Now ladies, since some of you might not agree and sit with my head in your mouths, kindly take it out and put it back onto my neck and comment on this after having reasoned soberly about it.

 

 

Romance never goes out of fashion.  Its one of the most desired things among women.  We love the idea of hearing "I love you".  Watching soapies, romantic movies and reading romance novels, we desire for our partners to say the words we read.  I'm a hopeless romantic myself; however age gives us a different perspective on life, one that can only be gained by experience.  Wisdom, such an infinite word, is never ending and encompasses a lot of things.

One of my ex-boyfriends told me that I completed him.  I was thrilled and flattered to say the least.  Until recently I though I was "die mommy".  I only now realized how unfair that is to anyone.  The responsibility of completing anyone scares me.  This to me simply means that you come with a glass half-full or half-empty. 

I'd rather want to complement someone.  Complementing means that which you lack, I have.  It also means to me, that the person knows themselves and has made peace with what is, but is also working to improve on shortcomings.  My niece always says that "hout en kole maak vuur".  So if two people, who are looking for someone to complete them, get to meet, that would make them "kole en kole" or "hout en hout".  We all know that a fire made only of wood doesn't last as long as the one with coal and wood.

The law of attraction says opposites attract, right?  So how is it that needy people attract each other?  I reckon that if we both came with 100% of ourselves there would be no need for "completing" but rather for "complementing".

I want you to consider this: "Do you want only a 50% person or a 100% person?  Many a time people say it's a 50/50 deal, but I beg to differ.  In a 50/50 relationship the partners are so dependent on each other.  Seemingly the one cannot function without the other.  However in a 100/100 relationship, people are interdependent.  This simply means that you "prefer" each other rather than functioning on "need" to have the other person.

So tell me is the glass half-full or half-empty?  Choose before you decide to go into a relationship of desperation and need and don't sell yourself short.

 

 

 

"All experience is an arch to build upon"

 

Henry Brooks Adams

I'm sure that we all have experiences, good or bad; they are part of our make-up.  They form us to be whom and what we are.  The memory brings to mind all of these whether or not we like them.

Now I've always believed that people can only have wisdom once they couple experience with knowledge and the only way to do that is to build upon your experience.  Learn from them and make them a stepping stone for someone else.

None of us have enough time to experience everything there is to experience.  And I doubt that any of us would want to have bad experiences.  I think that if all our experiences good or bad were translated into something meaningful and we share them with others it brings either joy or healing.

Quoting Aldous Huxley when he said "Experience is not what happens to a man, it is what a man does with what happens to him."  What are you going to do with your experience?  Are you going to allow the youth to make avoidable mistakes by not sharing yours?  Won't you rather share your experiences and help save a life?  This might be your opportunity to save someone you really care about.

If someone was there for you when you needed them and they shared their experiences, do the same for someone else.  And if this is not the case you can make a start with sharing yours and helping someone.

 

 

"When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle."

 

Edmund Burke

Working in a pleasant environment is such great fun, where everyone pulls his or her weight.  Everything gets done on time and all are happy to lend a helping hand where necessary.  I remember fondly our community standing together during the illness of a boy who had cancer and a young girl who needed treatment for a terminal illness.  What a beautiful sight it was to behold.

There is in all of us good.  The Bible says that no man will give his son a stone when he asks for bread or a snake when he asks for a fish.  God didn't make evil in us.  He made only goodness.  It's the tapping into that kindness that makes us human.

Martin Luther King said: "We must learn to live together like brothers or perish together as fools".  We have hung together thus far.  My wish is that we hang together on all things.  That would make our communities as strong and wonderful as it really is. 

We have gone through some bad times, plagued by horror, terrible things happening.  Yet we are able, through God's grace and working together, to conquer even that.

Care for your neighbour and surroundings.  In the famous words of Alexander Dumas; "All for one, one for all".

 

 

 

This sounds cliché; however we all know someone like this, even ourselves sometimes.  Time flies when you're having fun, but what about when it is not so fun?  We all seemingly chase the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Let's have a look at a typical rainbow.  These are the beautifully combined colours signaling the end of the rain.  The Bible says it's a promise from God that He loves us.  It announces the end of a storm.  Have you ever noticed that we are too busy looking for the rainbow whilst it's still raining?  Case in point: a lot of us are looking for another partner while we are in a turbulent relationship.  We often look for another job when the current one has too many challenges.  We look for another way to solve financial problems by engaging in another debt.  All this signifies looking for a rainbow in the middle of the storm.

I know a woman who has been constantly looking for a father for her children.  She was too busy searching and thus could not dedicate her full attention to her children.  They are now so rebellious, doesn't acknowledge her as their mother.  She was just too busy.  She got the husband, but lost her children in the process.

Many of us think that you can only move on from one relationship to another if you have someone to replace your old partner.  "The grass looks greener on the other side".  This means that we find ourselves lacking.  We are too busy.

Isn't it time that we drop whatever we are doing, wait out the rain and look for the lesson in the storm.  Rain brings freshness, newness to the earth, fertile ground and waters, new seed with no human interference.  After the rain the earth is lush and green.  Maybe we should go back to the elements and learn from them.  And later when the rainbow comes out and the sun surfaces we have a clear understanding of the lesson taught.  We would be able to teach better, because we understand better.  Attaining the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow would be easier because we weathered the storm.

Enjoy the sound of the rain, appreciate the rolling thunder and relish the smell of the moist earth.  Absorb the beautiful colours of the rainbow.

 The one thing that we know we were bound to be, is great.  We are destined for greatness, that is what we believe.  We want to be rich and famous.  We want to be world renowned. 

I finished school in my hometown.  I attended college after my final year and then started working.  For long time I thought I was working towards my goal, until I went home one day.  I was driving through the streets of my hometown at about 03h00 and it hit me.  We have so many addicts roaming the streets, looking for their next fix and young girls being raped and murdered.  It dawned on me; I was going nowhere fast. 

Does our individual success really count?  I look at our professionals and have to ask who they are.  Do we have any doctors, lawyers, accountants, etc who are practicing in their hometowns anymore?  How can we label ourselves successful if our communities look the way it does?

We hold companies accountable for social responsibility in South Africa, but we forget that we should be socially responsible ourselves.  Why don't we ever question ourselves about what we are doing?

I am so sad when I see people giving up on children.  We face drug and alcohol abuse, but we still choose to ignore it.  Yes, the drug lords are there and the taverns and clubs will be there even if we try to change it, but not all our children are drug addicts and well on their way to alcoholism.  We have to start effecting change at this point. 

Just because child abuse has become such a well versed topic doesn't mean that we have to accept it when another child goes through it.  We have people in abusive relationships, but we still refuse to see the need to make a change.  And I'm not only referring to women here, because men are also abused. 

Would it not be wise to have a protégé and be a mentor?  One child or person in whose life we would like to make a difference.  The best we can do for our towns is to try and have a positive influence on someone and that person will have the desire to do the same for someone else.  That person will understand that not everyone has given up on him or her.

It's time to affirm someone.  Get yourself a protégé and start effecting change.

CHANGE STARTS WITH ME!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days.  Nor will it be finished in the first 1000 days, not in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet, but let us begin.

John F Kennedy

 

Beginning is so important, for everything has a start.  Everything needs to be done whether we want to or not.  We realize that we have to get going and get on with this business of living.  Business that has been long overdue or just getting started.

We so many times have a fear of doing or saying something.  Fear keeps us from doing what we want to do.  Do you remember what you wanted to be when you were young?  A teacher, doctor, layer, pilot, whatever it is.  But along the way things happened and we met the hiccups of life and started swaying from our dreams.  Sometimes we just wrote it off as a sacrifice or compromise.  We got married, had children and started nurturing someone else's dream.  We started playing the supporting role.  We forfeited our own dreams to accommodate someone else's, be it a child or a lover.

My suggestion is not that we forget to cheer someone else on.  It is to also work on our own dreams.  My sister went back to school last year to complete her matric.  She has been the best cheerleader in the world.  She has been cheering on her children and husband for all these yeas, but I'm glad she decided to do something for herself.  This is really the one thing that she wanted to do since I can remember.  I'm so proud of her.

Isn't it time that you began the one thing that you've always dreamt of?  Get on and do it.  Rise to the challenge and meet it head on.  Begin to live your dream, it's never too late.

"What we call the beginning is often the end and to make an end is to make a beginning.  The end is where we start from."

TS Elliot

Make that end and begin with something you want to do.  For yourself and your loved ones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"To be blind is bad, but worse is to have eyes and not see."

 

Helen Keller

I work for a training college for the blind and in my time here I have seen blind people doing what we think to be impossible.  They have heightened senses of touch, taste, hearing and touch.  I'm amazed at what they can do for themselves.  An IT specialist, blinded in an accident, rides his motorcycle with the assistance of voice navigators every year in a special parade.  It's awesome.  I always sit on the patio, mouth agape at the wonder of the blind.

What I find terribly sad is that we have sight, maybe a little dimmed by bad eyes, but we have it all the same.  We have become so used to the hustle and bustle of everyday life, taking for granted what we see.  To us all that we see is normal, average and boring.

We see so little of the world around us.  We don't see the love that the people in our lives have for us.  We don't see the flowers in full bloom, or even the opportunities before us.  How is it possible for us to get optimum enjoyment from life?  

Just for one hour, take the time and sit quietly.  Look at your surroundings.  The trees are bare in this season.  The sun's rays, bright in a mostly clear blue sky, warming even the coldest of places.  Look at the people in your life; see them for who they are and what they mean to you.  It's with the windows of the soul that you observe that.  Learn to embrace with your eyes the beauty that God has given.

 

 

"Although we may feel sorry for the person who plunges to their death,

We should feel more sorry for the person who never even got into the air"

Michelle Seamons

When someone we know dies, we cry at the funeral.  Floods are opened and people can't help but mourn the death of the person.  The loss of a life is very sad.  Even sadder for me is the life half-lived or merely existed.  So many people walk around merely existing and never live.  Trudging on as if life has beaten them.  Sometimes even their skins and eyes look dull.  These are the people I mourn most.

To me it seems like they are already in their caskets.  No more vibrant life in them, only existing. Allowing life to make choices for them.  The ones who don't act, but wait to be acted upon.  The people who never take flight from the comfort of the nest.

If only people would take the time and chance to spread their wings and begin to fly, they will see the beautiful landscape below.  Yes sometimes it seems like the air is too thin up there, but the utter freedom and confidence to fly is exhilarating.  Papish asked are you free or are you dom in one of his blogs.

Let's rise with eagles wings and take to the skies.  I dare you to live your dream. 

 

"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending". 

Maria Robinson

 

I always wished that I could just go somewhere and make a new beginning.  After a failed marriage, leaving the job I thought was made just for me and a string of failed relationships, I always desired to go away and start over.  Often times I find myself thinking if only there was a way to reverse all of the wrong decisions I have made thus far it would be a clean slate. 

One day I woke up and realized what my mom had been saying all these years was just the honest-to-God-truth.  The decisions you make today will affect the rest of your life. It is impossible for me to go back and try to change what has been done.  What's even worse is that I can't go back and start a new beginning.  The day we were born and started making decisions we had already begun. 

I know we face just about the same things in our lives, just at different times and stages.  The outcomes are different by our reactions to these situations, but mostly the experience gained is the same. 

We can't change the past.  Mistakes we've made are now ingrained in our being.  However, no one is too bad to start today and write a new ending to the stereotype of the coloured.  We are the authors of our own lives.  We can allow people to give their opinion of us, but in the end, it is what we have written on our slates.  That is what we are characterized by, our ending.  A lot of people have done what they did, but when these people decide on change, all we can almost remember is how bad they were and how much they have changed.

My challenge to you is to change your end by making start today.  No, it won't erase mistakes, errors or even the remote stupidity that we have acted out of, but it will definitely bring about the desired result of a new ending.

 

 

 

 

"Someone may have hurt you in the past when you were young and innocent.  Anger and hate you felt, a natural feeling to have, but then forgiveness and restoration is also possible and appropriate and it feels good to give up hatred."

Zenzen Hidalgo

 

I walked into the corridor, hearing it.  Thinking that my mind was playing tricks on me I followed the noises that I heard, the door was ajar and I opened it.  I was right.  There he was, riding her like a horse at the Durban July.  All I did was ask: "what are you doing?"  Stupid isn't it?  A grown, married woman asking her husband that, when it was so obvious what he was doing.

I thought I'd never be able to survive that ordeal.  Never be able to forgive him.  As human nature has it, when a relationship fails we ask what we did wrong.  The bitterness in me was all-consuming.  I hated him so much, he even haunted my daydreams.

A messy divorce ensued.  My life seemed to spin out of control.  I like being in control.  The hurt was so deep; I actually felt physical pain in my chest, constantly.  I couldn't understand.  I didn't frequent the places I used to.  I went into hiding from the rest of the world.  Brooding, feeding my hatred.

Everyone who knew me said that I should forgive him and let him go.  Hate hurts you so much more than you think they would say.  The wisest of all women, my mom, prayed and cried for me, because I just couldn't.  I never cried, I had too much hate to even want to.  My face changed whenever someone mentioned his name.

And one day, in the midst of it, God shared with me.  I learnt that forgiveness is like grieving.  A process to be worked through.  Not just something that you say you are going to do.  It happened gradually.  I regained my confidence.  Walked with my head held high and my back straight, not all at once, gradually. 

When I saw him a couple of years later, I felt nothing.  No more pain, hurt or hate.  It was like coming home to myself.  The utter freedom that I experienced, the peace, the smile and the burst of laughter.  I'm able to love, trust, share and live again.  What a relief it is to be able to exchange hate for joy. 

I know it's difficult to forgive, but do it gradually.  Go through the anger, hurt, pain, rejection, and acceptance and do it step-by-step.  Not for them, but for you.

 

 

 

 

 

"When a person can find sorrow behind your smile, words behind your silence and love behind your anger, you can believe that you have found your best buddy"

Unknown

I always say if there was an age that I would choose to be again, it would be 17.  In Summer Bunnies R Kelly says "18 and over 16 and under".  17 so undefined, do you still remember what it felt like?  I knew everything.  No one could tell me anything.  And now 12 years later, I know I knew nothing about anything.

Our quest is always to find "the one".  We have been made to believe that this person exists.  I still don't know whether there is "the one" or do you choose to make someone the one.  For anyone who read my blog on "Friendship", you would know where my thoughts come from, but this concentrates more on romance. 

I personally haven't found this one yet, but ooh I would love to.  In my mind's eye I can see what it would be like.  Sometimes we put up the mask referred to in my blog "Your Signature", but wouldn't it be awesome to have the person who would be able to see your sorrow hidden behind your smile?  Being totally unpretentious, naked and vulnerable with your beloved?  Unafraid of being taken advantage of, judgment passed or rejected for your weakness.

I've often seen people look at their partners without saying a word, but their eyes would speak volumes.  The emotion raw and evident even to the naked, untrained eye.  I think that the only real way to say "I love you", just with your silence, appreciating the person and them know exactly what you mean to say.

Fights, arguments and disagreements are normal in any relationship, however, what is uncommon is the ability to say "I still love you" amid the altercation.  In your state of anger, the love that can still be seen by your lover.  That is truly a treasure hard to find.  To be able to disagree abut "whatever", but still affirm your partner that your feeling toward them had not altered. 

I can't agree with the author of the quote above, but would have added "Even more blessed and fortunate are those who had already found their 'best buddy' in their lovers.

 

 

 

 

"Be yourself.  Above all, let who you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish". 

John Jakes

 

Masked, we all walk around trying to impress others and improve their thoughts about us.  It's so difficult to keep up the façade but we still go and try our damndest.  We get shot down by some, others give us praise.  Yet trudging on seems like the only right thing to do.  People box us into little compartments.  Expecting whatever it is that they have stereotyped us to be.  Society dictates what, when, how and why things should be a certain way.  Personally I hate it!!!!  Who says that they are even right about half the things that they say. 

All of us come with different measures of maybe the same talent and skills onto the scene, but there is something distinctly different about it when we come together.  The ideas you have might have been dreamt up by someone in a totally different part of the world, but what makes it unique is YOU.  Our walk, thought, laugh, smile, dreams and talk are all part of our signature.

Someone once said that we are a flower garden and when God looks down on us He sees a multi-coloured garden.  I've found that people would love to change that about us.  The multi-coloured garden that is.  Even this is evident in our romantic relationships.  Partners meet us the way we are and before you know it you are required to become a miniature of them.  Let me not go too deep into that now.  Another story for another blog.

It's my belief that our uniqueness is our signature.  If we carry on walking around with the mask on our faces, our uniqueness is hidden, even from our families and friends.  They don't recognize the masks, because that is how we are supposed to be.  Or is it really?

Finish your piece, whatever you consider it to be, with your signature.  Your passion will shine through if you are true to yourself.  Remember, even the best of masks must come off some time or another.  You have fooled so many people for such a long time, but not yourself.  Take off the mask and be who you really are.  They might not like it, but at least you would know that it is you that you are living with, and not some kind of idea of what society thinks you should be.

 

"There must be a beginning of any great matter, but the continuing unto the end until it be thoroughly finished yields the glory."

                                                            Francis Drake

A couple of years ago we lost a young woman to rape and murder.  She like so many others has become just another statistic.  We moaned, screamed and wailed for the attention of our officials.  Whether or not they took note is a question in itself.

We moan about drug and alcohol abuse, violence and the like, but we never see any results.  The question now is: "What are we not doing?"  Why is it that only some people get things done?

We start out feverishly, fervently and it all just fades away.  I believe that if we press on, continuing unto the end of whatever it is, we will see the glory yielded. 

It starts with your personal issues.  Be it your marriage, fighting for what you believe or just something as simple, yet as great as completing you school career.

Press on until the end.  Benefit from your hard labour and give birth to your dream.  Nurture it; care for it and it will definitely grow to be a success.  Achieve your dream and be proud of having done it for yourself.